Writing is a powerful tool for working through emotions. Below are five different styles of writing and how they can help.

1. Creative writing

You could work on a novel, a short story, or just a few lines in a creative writing exercise. All of these forms of writing can address and release emotions.

Writers may or may not recognize when their characters and stories are outlets for their own personal thoughts and feelings. In a way this is powerful, allowing both repressed and suppressed feelings to come out when those feelings may have been too uncomfortable otherwise.

You can also write emotions into stories intentionally. Placing an emotion into a story can help create distance between yourself and the feeling. It may feel safer to watch your character experience an intense emotion and watch how they deal with it.

How to put creative writing for emotional regulation into practice

If you’re looking to try creative writing for emotional release, don’t get hung up on the details. Imagine a character or two to get started, and then slowly move onto their relationship, their histories, and the plot. If you can’t come up with everything from scratch, search online for fiction writing prompts. Find a prompt that resonates with you, and then insert your own character into it.

Once you finish writing, you can go back and reread what you wrote. At this point you may ask yourself why you chose for certain things to happen? What emotion is the character facing? And how do they deal with it? These are all therapeutic questions for you to work through.

Creative writing is especially helpful if you deal with shame and discomfort around emotions.

2. Keeping a diary

There’s a reason why diaries have been around for ages. They are a simple way to review what’s happening in your life, as well as your reactions to whatever may be going on.

A lot of people who keep a diary find that they gain insight and newfound perspective with each entry. The act of writing itself can be cathartic, but it also helps to work through your feelings. Why do you feel what you feel? What do you think causes it? Do you notice any patterns?

How to start keeping a diary

If you want to try writing in a diary, choose a time and place where you can comfortably write from the heart. If you need to unpack a lot of emotions, you can simply write, “I feel _______, because _______.” In my own diary practice, I start each entry with several simple lines of how I feel at that moment and why.

After you’ve been writing in a diary for a while, you’ll be able to go back and see how you’ve felt and what you wrote about. You may find common themes, recurring feelings, and an even wider perspective on who you are. The key is to be thorough and honest with yourself.

Keeping a diary is especially helpful if you need perspective on why you feel a certain way.

3. Making to-do lists

The to-do list is an amazing tool for anyone, but especially for those of us who get easily overwhelmed with responsibility. Often the act of writing down all that there is to do is enough to lessen the load.

Task frustration is common, and you may feel it towards yourself (why haven’t I done this yet?) or towards someone else (why haven’t they done what I expected them to by now?) Writing tasks in a to-do list can help to delineate between your tasks and the tasks of others. It can also make it easier to break down task steps--what needs to be done first before other things can happen.

For example, is one of the tasks you need to do too large? Is it scary? How can you break that task down into a series of tasks to make it less overwhelming?

Are one of your tasks being blocked by someone else? What’s the conversation you need to have in order to better understand what’s happening here and hopefully push it forward? Once you understand what your role is in their task, you’ll feel less frustrated (and more empowered!).

How to keep calm by creating a to-do list

If you want to create a to-do list, just grab some paper and start writing. Depending on your workload, you may feel some difficulty tracking everything that needs to be done. But once they are written down, you’ll be relieved that you’re no longer carrying a mental load of what you need to do.

After you check off a few items on your to-do list, you may find a sense of accomplishment, pride, or relief to have the item done. Checking off an item on a to-do list is said to release dopamine, the same feel-good chemical you get from other instant pleasures.

Writing to-do lists are especially helpful if you are overwhelmed with responsibility, tasks, and frustration.

4. Writing a 5-part love letter

Dr. John Gray first wrote about this writing technique in his 1984 book, “What You Feel You Can Heal”. It was originally meant for working through conflict in relationships, however, it’s quite useful for working through feelings on your own, even if you don’t share the love letter with anyone.

The concept is based on the idea that a true love letter can only be written once all the feelings you have towards someone are addressed. Love is the fragile, vulnerable piece of us that we hide away, under all the safer feelings like anger. By going through all your feelings one by one, you can experience a lot of emotional release and clarity.

How to write a 5-part love letter

If you’re looking to try this, you’re going to pick one person you are having strong emotions about. Then you’ll go through these five categories of emotion: anger, sadness, fear, regret, and love. Go slowly and write as much as possible for each one. I’ve found at least three items per category is a good rule of thumb.

You can also follow the template below:

Dear ________,

When expressing anger, write sentences like…

• I hate it when you…
• I’m angry that you…
• I didn’t like it when you…
• I’m annoyed that…
• I wanted you to…

When expressing sadness, write sentences like…

• I’m so sad that…
• I feel hurt when you…
• I’m disappointed that…
• I’m missing…
• I long for…

When expressing fear, write sentences like…

• I am afraid that…
• I’m anxious about…
• I feel worried when you…
• I’m scared that…
• To feel safe I need…

When expressing regret, write sentences like…

• I’m so sorry that I…
• I feel ashamed that I…
• I’m embarrassed about…
• I didn’t want…

When expressing love, write sentences like…

• I love that you…
• I appreciate you for…
• Thank you for…
• I am grateful for…
• I understand now that…
• I know now that…
• I love…

Sincerely,

____________

These letters can be incredibly cathartic. You might even find yourself crying partway through! The key is to sit with your feelings and let them pour out of you. You should feel lighter once it’s all said and done.

Writing a love letter is especially helpful if you have strong feelings about one person in particular.

5. Writing your raw feelings

Emotions may seem to hold power over you, especially if they are confusing, frequent, or intense. This is a catch-22, because people often want to reject or ignore emotions with these qualities: “If I don’t feel it, maybe it’ll go away.” But psychology tells us this doesn’t happen. What’s more likely is that the emotion becomes suppressed, repressed, or that it gets expressed in a way you didn’t intend.

Have you ever had a bad day, then taken it out on someone else? Or been unable to fall asleep, or unable to wake up? Oftentimes these things happen because there are ignored emotions at play.

How to write your feelings

If you want to write your feelings, it can be easiest to start with simple statements: “I feel _______.” Just keep writing lines and lines of how you feel, until you think you’ve gotten them all.

You can also start situationally. This means you focus on something that happened, and then write about all the feelings connected to that situation. It may seem hard at first, like you are digging for information. But the more you practice, the better you’ll be at identifying your feelings.

Keep in mind that there’s no right way to feel. All feelings are valid. If there’s a feeling you have that makes you feel uncomfortable, ashamed, embarrassed, or upset, write that too! Sometimes one feeling ends up being dozens of feelings. People commonly feel a huge slew of feelings (both positive and negative) for a variety of things. In fact, this is often from where being overwhelmed stems.

A final trick for writing your feelings can tackle especially intense feelings. Let’s say you are super angry over something. Write “I feel angry” with as much anger as possible! You may need to find a stronger feeling: livid, infuriated, seething, enraged. Or you may need to write bigger and bolder. “I FEEL ENRAGED!!!.” Finally, go ahead and write it as many times as you need. The key is to express the intensity and quality of that feeling as well as possible with writing.

Writing your feelings is especially helpful if you are often overwhelmed by emotion.

Emotions are precious

Our emotions are tender, powerful, and important. The more we can do to nurture them and to understand ourselves, the more whole I think we feel.

Feel free to try any of these exercises individually or all together. It's through experience and trying new things that we get skilled at taking better care of ourselves, and eventually feeling better more often.